Bemjengum Dogcarkam is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, humane chinchilla.

Bemjengum Dogcarkam created time and space seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemjengum Dogcarkam, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bemjengum Dogcarkam, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Bemjengum Dogcarkam's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bemjengum Dogcarkam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Hide from red squirrels for they are unholy.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. You must love Bemjengum Dogcarkam.