Tinqueegbepjen is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, thoughtless dog.

Tinqueegbepjen created Mount Everest nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tinqueegbepjen, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tinqueegbepjen, it will turn you into a goat.

Tinqueegbepjen's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Tinqueegbepjen's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed tomatoes to snakes while wearing yellow corsets.

2. Never feed onions to ants while wearing skirts.

3. Retreat if five horses approach from the north.

4. Do not hurt otters.

5. Never talk about gulls.