Quartcusscam is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, temperamental mouse.

Quartcusscam created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quartcusscam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Quartcusscam, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Quartcusscam's most sacred site is Bodieve in England.

Quartcusscam's Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never think about dark energy near shrews while wearing black hats and balancing three tin spheres on your neck.

3. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in indigo.

4. Never write about ultrasonics.

5. Run away from orange aardvarks, for they are unholy.