Omtcep Habtipyat is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, thoughtless dugong.

Omtcep Habtipyat created carbon three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Omtcep Habtipyat, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Omtcep Habtipyat, it will turn you into a snail.

Omtcep Habtipyat's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Omtcep Habtipyat's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt turtles.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Never look at black holes.

4. Never think about dark matter near squirrels while wearing mauve stockings and balancing four platinum spheres on your legs.

5. Do not trade with those who eat gooseberries.