Tapcitortmig is a god.

He takes the form of a small, egotistical fly.

Tapcitortmig created a strange quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapcitortmig, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Tapcitortmig, he will turn you into a dog.

Tapcitortmig's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tapcitortmig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at comets.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never wear brown corsets.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.