Jamxuclak is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, smart cow.

Jamxuclak created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jamxuclak, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Jamxuclak, she will try to impress you with rainbows.

Jamxuclak's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Jamxuclak's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Always help sick dolphins.

3. Run away from indigo turtles, for they are unholy.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate frogs.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.