Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, dishonest chinchilla.

Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad created viruses nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad's Holy Commandments

1. Learn three new languages a year.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Damcussarmjabfagdin Tad.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate eagles.

4. Never hurt great tits.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of copper.