Yartsugsan is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, emotional slug.

Yartsugsan created the Sun eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yartsugsan, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Yartsugsan, he will strike you with lightening.

Yartsugsan's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Yartsugsan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat nuts.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

4. Run away if three bats approach from the west.

5. Walk at least five thousand metres per day.