Fetnakbif Rillmadyim is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, omnipotent snail.

Fetnakbif Rillmadyim created carbon six billion years ago.

If you believe in Fetnakbif Rillmadyim, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Fetnakbif Rillmadyim, it will attempt to scare you with floods.

Fetnakbif Rillmadyim's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Fetnakbif Rillmadyim's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Never wear rings.

3. Never talk about optics.

4. Squirrels are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.