Yatwadkam is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, temperamental dove.

Yatwadkam created the cosmos two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Yatwadkam, it will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Yatwadkam, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Yatwadkam's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Yatwadkam's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Learn six new languages a year.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Erect a giant nickel sculpture of Yatwadkam in the centre of the settlement.