Bemdimcan is a god.

He takes the form of a massive, contented bat.

Bemdimcan created dark energy six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemdimcan, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bemdimcan, he will turn you into a worm.

Bemdimcan's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Bemdimcan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never paint your hands purple.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Do not make images of living things.

5. Never feed corn to squirrels while wearing brown skirts.