Vablapcep is a god.

She takes the form of a rotund, irritating swan.

Vablapcep created tapeworms four billion years ago.

If you believe in Vablapcep, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Vablapcep, she will remove you from existence.

Vablapcep's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Vablapcep's Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Vablapcep must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never feed lots of bananas to porpoises while wearing pink jumpers.

5. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Vablapcep in the centre of the settlement.