Tapsitvan is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, witless mongoose.

Tapsitvan created the Cigar Galaxy four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapsitvan, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tapsitvan, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Tapsitvan's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tapsitvan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in mauve.

2. Always help sick pigs.

3. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

4. Never mention gulls.

5. Retreat if eight horses approach from the south.