Tifnillquam is a god.

She takes the form of a very thin, slow mink.

Tifnillquam created oxygen two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tifnillquam, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Tifnillquam, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Tifnillquam's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Tifnillquam's Holy Commandments

1. Otters are not to be trusted.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Hide if six dogs approach from the north.

5. Never talk about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing brown shorts.