Teen is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, thoughtless beaver.

Teen created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Teen, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Teen, he will destroy your home galaxy.

Teen's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Teen's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Feed all hungry cats.

3. Pray towards the east.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always take life seriously.