Miscumjarn is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, awesome manatee.

Miscumjarn created a charm quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Miscumjarn, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Miscumjarn, it will send you a sign.

Miscumjarn's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Miscumjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Miscumjarn.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Miscumjarn must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

5. Pray towards the east.