Barnbarn is a god.

She takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, uncaring goose.

Barnbarn created the universe seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Barnbarn, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Barnbarn, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Barnbarn's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Barnbarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Barnbarn's priests.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Barnbarn.

3. Erect a giant green sculpture of Barnbarn in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never think about cell theory.

5. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.