Hatgabxuck is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, egotistical dugong.

Hatgabxuck created a Higgs boson two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatgabxuck, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Hatgabxuck, she will turn you into a snail.

Hatgabxuck's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Hatgabxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing near snails.

2. Do not dye your hair green.

3. Do not laugh in public.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Respect your elders.