Volbettetti is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, dishonest porpoise.

Volbettetti created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Volbettetti, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Volbettetti, he will destroy your home solar system.

Volbettetti's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Volbettetti's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Never talk about cell theory.

4. Do not take Volbettetti's name in vain.

5. Never think ill of sick otters.