Hivbagdan is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, loving scorpion.

Hivbagdan created the planet Venus four million years ago.

If you believe in Hivbagdan, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hivbagdan, he will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hivbagdan's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Hivbagdan's Holy Commandments

1. Your children must be taught to worship Hivbagdan.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Hivbagdan loves moths, so they must be honoured.

4. Run away if nine monkeys approach from the north.

5. Always help sick gulls.