Begnurljab is a god.

It takes the form of a very thin, unsympathetic swallow.

Begnurljab created snails three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Begnurljab, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Begnurljab, it will be very sad.

Begnurljab's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Begnurljab's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Begnurljab on top of all buildings.

2. You must pray to Begnurljab five times a day.

3. Hide from orange porpoises for they are unholy.

4. Never feed aubergines to eagles while wearing coats.

5. Swans are unholy and should not be approached.