Kenviltif is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, contented goblin.

Kenviltif created water nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kenviltif, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Kenviltif, she will turn you into a mole.

Kenviltif's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Kenviltif's Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Never think about optics near great tits while wearing yellow shorts and balancing six lead spheres on your back.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.