Fabgovfarn is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, emotional bear.

Fabgovfarn created carbon seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Fabgovfarn, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fabgovfarn, she will send four elephants to rub you out.

Fabgovfarn's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Fabgovfarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Fabgovfarn's priests.

2. Never write about moons.

3. Do not eat turnips.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Fabgovfarn.