Yattciddut is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, humorless monkey.

Yattciddut created the world eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yattciddut, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Yattciddut, it will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Yattciddut's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Yattciddut's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Yattciddut must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate dolphins.

4. Run away if eight foxes approach from the east.

5. Worship no other gods but Yattciddut.