Bemveenlak is a god.

He takes the form of a five hundred metre long, able crocodile.

Bemveenlak created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bemveenlak, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bemveenlak, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Bemveenlak's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bemveenlak's Holy Commandments

1. Snails are not to be trusted.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate goats.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.