Bisskomcim is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, ruthless turtle.

Bisskomcim created everything that exists three million years ago.

If you believe in Bisskomcim, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bisskomcim, it will think nothing of it.

Bisskomcim's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Bisskomcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no voles in a room before entering it.

2. Always wear yellow.

3. Run away if four eagles approach from the south.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never paint your arms purple.