Bassdumstik is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, vain jackal.

Bassdumstik created bats eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bassdumstik, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Bassdumstik, it will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Bassdumstik's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Bassdumstik's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured doves.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Retreat if nine mites approach from the north.

4. Never mention aardvarks.

5. Put Bassdumstik first in all things.