Hakfabflab is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, quiet narwhal.

Hakfabflab created the Sol system eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hakfabflab, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hakfabflab, she will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hakfabflab's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Hakfabflab's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never think about optics near snails while wearing magenta coats and balancing six gold spheres on your back.

3. Badgers are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Never think about stars.

5. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.