Wancusscuss is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, selfish mink.

Wancusscuss created an atom two million years ago.

If you believe in Wancusscuss, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Wancusscuss, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Wancusscuss' most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Wancusscuss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.