Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, temperamental seal.

Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit created the Large Magellanic Cloud six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit, he will destroy your favourite star.

Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Figfudtikdutzogtintan Bonklagmit's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling space in indigo.

2. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

3. Do not eat aubergines.

4. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

5. Never talk about fire.