Hiv is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unfair mouse.

Hiv created a quark eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hiv, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Hiv, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Hiv's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Hiv's Holy Commandments

1. Always help dolphins in need.

2. Never think ill of sick rats.

3. Learn seven new languages a year .

4. Worship no other gods but Hiv.

5. Never write about bacteria.