Panggupmab is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, stupid seal.

Panggupmab created an electron five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Panggupmab, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Panggupmab, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Panggupmab's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Panggupmab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not wear silicon on your body.

2. Do not trade with those who eat cherries.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Learn six new languages a year .

5. Panggupmab loves manatees, so they must be respected.