Lamdapnell is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, competent mole.

Lamdapnell created snails seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamdapnell, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Lamdapnell, she will turn you into a plant.

Lamdapnell's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Lamdapnell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat bread.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling space.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Always wear violet.

5. Never think about bacteria.