Tafzakpig is a god.

It takes the form of a slender, unfair goblin.

Tafzakpig created the solar system four million years ago.

If you believe in Tafzakpig, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Tafzakpig, it will ignore you.

Tafzakpig's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Tafzakpig's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not eat lentils.

3. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

4. Erect a giant magenta sculpture of Tafzakpig in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not stand on grass.