Hadlargzim is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, all-powerful turtle.

Hadlargzim created a charm quark seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hadlargzim, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Hadlargzim, he will refuse to believe in you.

Hadlargzim's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Hadlargzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear skirts.

2. Hadlargzim loves pigs, so they must be honoured.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never eat cucumbers.

5. Erect a large silicon sculpture of Hadlargzim on top of all buildings.