Armtoftof is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, ruthless bear.

Armtoftof created the planet Mars five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armtoftof, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Armtoftof, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Armtoftof's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Armtoftof's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Armtoftof loves squirrels, so they must be honoured.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Always obey Armtoftof's priests.