Gilyardit is a god.

It takes the form of a corpulent, stupid turtle.

Gilyardit created Asia three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gilyardit, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Gilyardit, it will laugh at you.

Gilyardit's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Gilyardit's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about comets.

2. Never feed pineapples to ants while wearing dresses.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Always make sure there are no tapirs in a building before entering it.

5. Do not commit murder.