Vilkar is a god.

It takes the form of a six hundred metre long, loving jaguar.

Vilkar created everything that exists six billion years ago.

If you believe in Vilkar, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Vilkar, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Vilkar's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Vilkar's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shorts.

2. Vilkar loves goats, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not wear yellow clothing.

4. Never think about chlorophyll.

5. Geese are not to be trusted.