Hatwapgat is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate alligator.

Hatwapgat created the cosmos six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatwapgat, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hatwapgat, he will turn you into a tree.

Hatwapgat's most sacred site is Hobeck in Germany.

Hatwapgat's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into brown rooms.

2. Never wear hats.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Never feed beans to otters while wearing kilts.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.