Xinyarlgam is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, two-faced bear.

Xinyarlgam created the planet Earth two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Xinyarlgam, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Xinyarlgam, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Xinyarlgam's most sacred site is Kauvatsa in Finland.

Xinyarlgam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Learn seven new languages a year .

3. Never feed corn to nematodes while wearing white rings.

4. Do not shave your neck.

5. Feed all hungry tortoises.