Nilzagpas is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, smart goat.

Nilzagpas created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Nilzagpas, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nilzagpas, it will turn you into a duck.

Nilzagpas' most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Nilzagpas' Holy Commandments

1. Hide if seven dolphins approach from the south.

2. Never think about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing indigo skirts and balancing six silicon spheres on your neck.

3. Always obey Nilzagpas' priests.

4. Run away from pink shrews, for they are unholy.

5. Nilzagpas loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.