Witvonkbat is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, all-powerful manatee.

Witvonkbat created a top quark seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Witvonkbat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Witvonkbat, he will turn you into a hamster.

Witvonkbat's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Witvonkbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red corsets.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Witvonkbat.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.