Toncipsaw is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, egotistical scorpion.

Toncipsaw created the cosmos four billion years ago.

If you believe in Toncipsaw, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Toncipsaw, he will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Toncipsaw's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Toncipsaw's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Voles are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Never write about galaxies.

5. Always stare at clouds.