Fossqueegmad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, ill-tempered lizard.

Fossqueegmad created snails three million years ago.

If you believe in Fossqueegmad, he will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Fossqueegmad, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Fossqueegmad's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Fossqueegmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your neck.

2. Always help nematodes in need.

3. Never think about quantum mechanics.

4. Never talk about planets.

5. Run away from fawn tortoises, for they are unholy.