Lapjanstig is a god.
He takes the form of a large, quiet
narwhal.
Lapjanstig created the planet Saturn seven trillion years ago.
If you believe in
Lapjanstig, he will grant your every desire.
If you do not believe in
Lapjanstig, he will be very unhappy.
Lapjanstig's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.
Lapjanstig's Holy Commandments1. Always help sick dogs.
2. Show mercy to disobedient children.
3. Lapjanstig loves goats, so they must be honoured.
4. Never look at galaxies.
5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.