Dibsitxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless ferret.

Dibsitxuck created carbon twelve years ago.

If you believe in Dibsitxuck, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Dibsitxuck, he will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Dibsitxuck's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Dibsitxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about dark energy.

2. Pray towards the west.

3. Do not trade with those who eat corn.

4. Always help aardvarks in need.

5. Always wear green.