Hitfargar is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, awe-inspiring finch.

Hitfargar created the world two million years ago.

If you believe in Hitfargar, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Hitfargar, he will turn you into a dog.

Hitfargar's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Hitfargar's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from red porpoises for they are unholy.

2. Always treat turtles with great respect.

3. Never skip in holy places.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.