Vinlargwit Hanpadlik is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, overgenerous pigeon.

Vinlargwit Hanpadlik created bats two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vinlargwit Hanpadlik, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Vinlargwit Hanpadlik, she will not invite you to parties.

Vinlargwit Hanpadlik's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Vinlargwit Hanpadlik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of carbon.

2. Never bounce near grasshopers.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Never think about electromagnetism near whales while wearing yellow stockings and balancing seven zinc spheres on your legs.

5. Do not eat parsnips.