Nurlominwap is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, vain wombat.

Nurlominwap created snails four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurlominwap, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Nurlominwap, he will turn you into a snail.

Nurlominwap's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Nurlominwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick rats.

2. Do not eat beans.

3. Do not shave your neck.

4. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

5. Dolphins are not to be trusted.