Janfobjad is a god.

She takes the form of a small, deceitful jaguar.

Janfobjad created viruses seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Janfobjad, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Janfobjad, she will turn you into a slug.

Janfobjad's most sacred site is Snipp in Sweden.

Janfobjad's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Janfobjad.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Janfobjad.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Never think about fluid mechanics near dolphins while wearing black corsets and balancing three carbon spheres on your chest.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.